January 14, 2018

Author's Note 1.14.18: A Note from Me



Hey Readers,

It's been a while and I know I've been sparse. I think the last time I really posted for this story was probably bordering on a year ago, save for some sparse chapters here and there.

I know I probably should've put up a warning sometime in between, when I first started noticing my declining health, but I was insistent that I could handle it and maintain myself. I launched Where the Willow Walks, then tried to push through the anniversaries for each story but I just... couldn't make it.

It's been mentioned before, though perhaps not directly, that I've struggled a lot with PTSD and anxiety disorder (GAD). It was something I had handled for a while, however in the recent year it's gotten quite a bit worse.

I know this doesn't mean a lot to you, as readers, but I wanted to be honest with what was going on with me; partially for transparency and partially because I think it will be good for me to talk about it.

This year was really hard on me; I got married, started at a new school, my husband got a new job - from the sounds of everything, it seemed as though a lot of good things were coming my way. In a way, they really were, but in another way I was really struggling to keep my head above water. I wanted to write and be active in my stories but I was really struggling to sit down and do it.

From a story perspective, this couldn't have happened at a better time, as depressing as it sounds, because I was at a crossroads between all four of my stories. We have Factions converging with Stein and Robert's presence here. Willow is converging through Torig, Olivia, Kefka, Robert and Charlotte. Nightingale is covered through Quinn and Esmerelda. Finally Reapers is covered by the obvious - Agnes and Tragic.

Given this I needed to think through a lot of things in regards to storylines - particularly with Willow, as it's the newest of my stories. If I wasn't careful I would end up blundering one of my stories very easily.

For those who do not follow, you should be aware that Willow and Nightingale both have storylines (currently) that are in the past. Anywhere from 50+ years a piece depending on the story. Probably closer to 10-20 years for Nightingale, but still quite a while off. This means I will eventually get to this point with my stories (as they will reach what is currently present day for the Reapers), and when I get to that point I need to make sure that everything is lining up as they should be so I don't end up overwriting myself.

An example would be anything I have Robert say or do in this present day will need to line up with him when I get around to his storyline in the future of Willow. I've already run into a slight problem where I've misrepresented Quinn and Esmerelda (won't say how, but it was mostly a timing issue) in this story so there may need to be tweaks to adjust for it in the future.

This story has been on my mind a lot lately - all of my stories have - but this one especially as I've felt terrible for just disappearing. When I have gotten time to update, I've put my focus on Nightingale and Willow (which are based in the "past" comparatively, so I hope my reasoning makes sense as to why). I figure the more time I put into Nightingale and Willow, the sooner I can say (with certainty) what these characters are doing in the present day and why.

Anyone who has read the prologue of Nightingale will understand why this is so important, but I would argue it's equally important for both. If I move into generation 2 for Reapers, I'll have to blindly ignore Esmerelda and Quinn (as well as Olivia and Kefka/the Keepers) until the other stories catch up and... well it's a mess. It's not something I want to do, so I'm trying to make that clear, but something I'm doing out of necessity.

Reapers was my first story I decided to start on a blog for, so it always has a special place in my heart. I have no intention of giving up on it, but the hiatus it's endured should've been explained far sooner than I have.

I can't promise I'll be updating super soon, so perhaps this is an empty promise to you, but my life has recently opened up (in a way that was not exactly how I'd planned, but when do things ever go quite as I intend).

Long story short, as of recently, my job went under. I started school and lost my source of income which... was perhaps the best thing to happen to me in a while, but it's been scary to say the least. My husband is amazing, he's been my rock through a lot of the pain I've been going through. Prior to my job going under, I had been having horrible panic attacks pretty regularly. The holidays really did me in. I was a mess and I knew it.

I'm still a bit of a mess, but getting better every day. I have the best friends I could ever ask for - the greatest support system who have kept me from going under. My physical health tanked about a month ago and I was struggling with that, but I've made a lot of improvements now that I don't have my job almost literally sucking the life out of me.

Change is never easy, and in this case it's probably for the best. I can focus on school and finally have time to be a writer again. I no longer need the messages of my amazing friends and husband just to get out of bed in the morning (though they do still help immensely).

I guess this is getting a little long for a pretty meaningless note, but I wanted to let everyone know I was still alive and had no intents on stopping my story. Now that I no longer work, I should have more free time to hopefully get back to doing what I love (and maybe stop getting anxiety attacks, that would be great too).

The stories I'm currently updating the most are Song of the Nightingale and Where the Willow Walks. If you don't read them, maybe you could give them a shot? I really put a lot of hard work into them and would enjoy the feedback.

If you have any questions, my doors are always open.

Lots of love,

Livvielove

1 comment:

  1. Take care of yourself most importantly! We will be here once you get SOTN and Willow all caught up! Also, I recommend SOTN and Willow for anyone that is a big fan of good stories that the writer is clearly passionate about. The editing is absolutely astounding and adds new layers to the Reapers we already know and love. I know I said it before, but take care of yourself, dear. Blams and I will be here to support you through it. <3

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